Can a narcissistic husband change?

Change is possible in theory, but it requires the narcissistic partner to genuinely acknowledge the problem, pursue consistent long-term therapy, and tolerate the discomfort of accountability without the promise of reward. This is rare, and it is important not to base decisions on the hope of change rather than the reality of current behavior.

Is my husband a narcissist or just emotionally immature?

The distinction matters less than the impact. Whether the behavior stems from narcissistic personality disorder, emotional immaturity, or unresolved trauma, the harm still exists. What matters is how you are being treated and what you need, not the diagnostic label.

What is the difference between narcissistic abuse and normal relationship conflict?

Normal conflict involves two people who both feel hurt and are willing to take some responsibility. Narcissistic abuse involves a persistent pattern where one person’s reality is consistently dismissed, their emotions are used against them, and accountability is not genuinely accepted.

Why do I keep making excuses for his behavior?

This is a common experience in these relationships and does not indicate weakness. Cognitive dissonance, trauma bonding, and cycles of intense affection followed by mistreatment can create strong psychological attachment. Understanding this helps build self-compassion rather than self-blame.

Should I try couples therapy with a narcissistic husband?

Many trauma-informed therapists advise against starting with couples therapy when narcissistic abuse is present. Individual therapy with a professional experienced in betrayal trauma and coercive control is generally a safer and more effective first step.

Mentoring for Individuals & Couples with Nervous System Regulation Techniques

Personalized support for your healing and growth—exclusively for participants of Undone Academy.

Mentoring is an optional add-on available only to current members of Undone Academy. Whether you’re walking through this work as an individual or with a partner, mentoring provides a safe, focused space to integrate what you’re learning and apply it directly to your unique life and relationships. This offering blends trauma informed coaching with deep relational and somatic support.

Session work is Trauma-informed, Mindfulness-centered, 12-step-inspired, and Somatically-focused, integrating principles of trauma informed therapy and mindfulness healing. Through these tools, I’ll help you uncover the wisdom, clarity, and capacity that already exist within you. Together, we’ll regulate your nervous system, shift old patterns, uncover the beliefs and unresolved traumas that still have you hooked, and create practical, embodied tools you can rely on in real time—not just on the good days.

For those seeking alternatives to therapy, mentoring offers a relational, experiential, and embodied approach that complements clinical work while remaining grounded, supportive, and deeply transformational.

Mentoring with Becky added a deeper level to the work I was able to do in the Academy. I became aware of specific memories that were connected to the feelings of being unseen and inadequate that I've carried my whole life. I met the different "parts" of myself, including the ones that are so angry or alone, and experienced what it feels like to hold those parts of myself in unconditional love and acceptance. I can't explain in words how this work has shifted me, but I can say that I don't feel like I'm trapped in my anger anymore. I feel like when those parts of me show up, I know how to care for them. I've learned how to love myself. The anger hasn't disappeared, but I can find peace underneath it when it's there.

Tanner

I started mentoring with Becky when I started Undone Academy. I worked through so many old traumas through the tools of mindfulness and guided meditation. It is amazing to experience how the body knows where that pain is held and where it came from. I've been working with her for almost three years now and it's become a staple in my wellness routine. I'm not in crisis anymore but there's still more to discover.

Julie

As I think back to myself even 6 months ago I can't believe how far I've come. I feel like I was laying the groundwork for years leading up to finding Becky's work, and then when I was in a place that I could really show up and be accountable to myself it has felt like this fast track to my healing and awakening. But I had to be ready and willing to honestly look at my trauma and honestly look at myself. I have learned a lot about myself in this process. I am really good at being in the victim role. And until I recognized that and took accountability for that I could not heal any further. I have learned that healing is messy and painful but that I can be with this pain. I feel like I have had the most transformative months of my life since working with Becky. I feel like I jumped on a speeding train to healing, processing and letting go. I know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be at this time of my life.

Amanda

I know this might sound weird, but I would honestly tell you that this program and mentoring with Becky has saved my life. I really believe it has, and my wife would definitely tell you it has. Over the past two years, I've had things come up in my life that I would not have been able to deal with without this program. I can't explain enough the impact it's had on my mental health. I've shared it with so many family members because I want them to have what I have.

Matt

This program has kept me sober from alcohol since I left rehab two years ago. The Academy itself has been amazing but adding occasional mentoring sessions with Becky really added another level to what I've been able to see about myself. Once I learned how to see and feel the emotions driving my addictive behaviors, I was able to find my Higher Self. I'm still a work in progress, and it's like a safety net to know these resources are here and I can schedule a session if I get stuck.

Dave

Both my husband and I had been unfaithful over the course of our ten-year marriage. We were on the brink of divorce when I came to this program. My husband and I began mentoring with Becky and it's given us the tools, safety, vocabulary, and self-awareness to begin to talk about these painful issues in a way that's helping us finally heal. After so many years of just checking out and avoiding conflict, it's been hard work to finally face it all. But it's been so worth it. I know we would never have been able to get to this point without Becky's help and all the tools we've learned through the Academy.

Claire

I’ve done lots of work on not identifying as an anxious person. For most of my life, a lot of my trauma came from the fact that I thought I was unchangeable and incapable of most of the things I wanted or tried to do because of my anxiety. Working with that, I’ve realized that I actually fed into that belief and was unconsciously choosing to keep myself inside of that bubble because it was safe and comfortable. Some part of myself had decided this was the only way to stay safe and that I was actually protecting myself despite all the suffering. As I’ve gotten further along in the process of mindfulness and sitting with my feelings I’ve learned that usually the things I was so afraid of aren’t all that bad, and as I accept them more and more they come along less and less. Allowing myself to sit with things and be uncomfortable has expanded my capacity to live in every way possible. I’ve started to do things I never thought I’d be able to do in my life because of Becky's program and our regular mentoring sessions.

Ellie

I've struggled with shame my whole life around my sexuality--porn, masturbation, and also infidelity in my marriage. It's been really interesting to start mentoring with Becky. We started just with the mindfulness basics--learning how to be present, to not think, to just be. Learning to watch my patterns and notice the stories I tell myself and where I feel emotions in my body. Over time, we've been able to connect with the parts of me that I realize I've tried to hide my whole life. It's so weird to see them as these young versions of me, and I can see how they were afraid. I can see how they were trying to protect me. I don't know if I can say I've forgiven myself, but mentoring sessions have given me experiences that have opened my eyes to a different view of myself than I ever had before. I've realized I can take full accountability for my actions without hating myself. In fact, taking accountability helps me respect myself more. I feel less shame. When I'm using the tools, I can see myself honestly, with compassion.

Steve

Who Mentoring Is For

Undone Academy participants wanting extra personalized support
Individuals ready to accelerate their healing journey through trauma informed coaching
Couples wanting to strengthen communication, connection, and trust
Anyone seeking tools that work in everyday stress, not just in ideal conditions
Members who want more accountability and guidance
People who know they have unresolved traumas and are ready to be free of them
Those exploring mindfulness healing as part of their growth

What We’ll Work On In Your Session

Nervous system regulation & emotional grounding

Mind-body awareness to live more fully in the present moment

Identifying and shifting unhealthy patterns

Somatic awareness of hooked beliefs and “parts”

Building boundaries, voice, and inner authority

Integrating spiritual growth without pressure or bypassing

Strengthening Self-connection to develop a Self-led internal system

For couples: improving communication, connection, and conscious intimacy

An approach rooted in trauma informed therapy principles without being clinical or rigid

How It Works

Enroll in Undone Academy

Only Undone Academy participants have access to Individual Mentoring with Becky.

Schedule your session

Once you're enrolled in the program, you'll gain access to our scheduling link through your online account.

Sessions

60-minute Zoom calls are tailored to you or your relationship, with personalized practices, session notes, and optional recordings. Your card on file will be charged $100 at the completion of your session.

Integration

Simple, sustainable steps help you live the work, create positive change, and improve relationships in your daily life.

How much does a Mentoring session cost?

Mentoring sessions cost $100 per 60-minute session on Zoom. These charges are separate from your Undone Academy tuition. This is an add-on service grounded in trauma informed coaching rather than traditional clinical therapy.

What is your cancellation policy?

We understand that life gets crazy. If you need to cancel or reschedule your session, please give us at least 24 hours notice. You can do so through your Calendly link.

Do you have a no-show policy?

No-shows or cancellations under 24 hours will be charged the full rate for the session.

Are Zoom sessions as effective as live sessions?

It’s common for people to have reservations about Zoom meetings, but you’ll be surprised at how connected you can feel over a live call. Becky has years of experience mentoring both in-person and through Zoom and knows how to create that all-important frequency of presence in either environment, blending mindfulness healing with embodied practice.

How often should I be scheduling mentoring sessions?

Everyone is different. When working with deeper, more foundational, or complex issues, it works well to establish bi-weekly sessions for a length of time. If something big comes up and you need short-term assistance, you can simply schedule a session or two. There is no minimum requirement or obligation to continue mentoring. It’s a resource that’s here when you need it, subject to availability—especially helpful for those exploring alternatives to therapy.

Do you have a specific protocol for Mentoring?

No protocol. We begin most sessions with a short sit to find our center. The rest of the session is tailored to meet what’s present, using tools grounded in trauma informed therapy and mindfulness healing. Because mentoring is essentially a sacred space of deep inquiry, it’s very accessible to beginners, yet will also challenge and expand those with lots of previous experience or education, including mental health professionals.