Quick answer: This blog explores how our unconscious desires silently shape our reality for better or worse. The author shares her personal struggle with anorexia, driven by hidden desires for control and approval, which cost her joy, freedom, and authentic connection. Drawing on the alchemical principle “as within, so without,” she emphasizes that we are always creating our lives, whether we realize it or not. The key question is: what are you truly desiring, and at what cost? Awakening to this truth, she says, can completely transform the trajectory of your life.
(1) Alchemy is the understanding (experientially through the heart) of how consciousness relates to matter (& experience).
(2) It’s a science that’s based in this core truth: “As within, so without” or “As above (in the unmanifested realm), so below (in the manifested realm).”
(3) Alchemy is not about manipulating life to satisfy your ego (self-serving) desires.
(4) Rather, it’s about growing your awareness of how your inner world (your desires and your mind) is constantly creating your outer world whether you realize it or not.
So the question becomes: what is my heart’s deepest desire?
And can I see that this desire is what I am actually creating in my life right now?
And perhaps the penultimate question: At what cost? Is what I’m creating worth the cost I’m paying for it?
(1) What do I mean by this?
(2) When I was in my late teens and twenties, I struggled with anorexia.
(3) I lost my period and spent so much of my energy tracking calories and obsessing about when I would eat or exercise next.
(4) I often felt a physical revulsion after I ate food and could sense the fat cells getting bigger on my body. This sensation felt almost unbearable.
(5) Although I didn’t realize it at the time, my greatest desires were control and approval.
(6) I had left home and moved across the country all by myself to go to college.
(7) I felt a weight-ton of expectations (mostly my own) to perform and become something spectacular.
(8) I was terrified of letting people down and had no idea what was going to happen next in my life.
(9) Control and validation became my lived reality: a cage of suffering fueled by my own driven desire.
And I got what I wanted: I was in total control of my body and was winning a ton of validation at the expense of everything that matters most.
My soul. My sense of joy and freedom. My relationships. It took almost two decades of flirting with this kind of compulsive behavior before life handed me my most valuable gift in the form of suffering great enough to wake me up to the fact that control and validation weren’t actually the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow that I thought they were and I realized I could surrender those desires. I could choose to let go.
I could choose something different. Something more aligned with who I want to be.
I could choose to want love. I could choose to want freedom. I could choose to want to be of service to Something Greater than myself.
Waking up to my ability and my responsibility to make that choice ten years ago and the ugly fact that my real desires had been something very different and very self-protective and self-serving changed the trajectory of my entire life.
At this year’s Silent Retreat on January 18th, we are thrilled to share with you the ancient alchemy technique called “Circling the Square,” a spiritual methodology to unlock the subconscious blocks and beliefs that are keeping you from creating your deepest desires in the world and the space and compassion to gently face the reality of any unconscious desires that are creating parts of your life you’d rather change.
If you’re local and ready to face what needs to change, I hope you’ll sign up for this year’s Silent Retreat in Provo, UT on January 18th. With hope & trust in the Basic Goodness in all of us,
P.S. Becoming aware of the power of your desire in the life you’re creating is one of the greatest gifts anyone can be given! I hope you’ll take this chance to stand in your power with heart and intention and without apology. The world needs authenticity.
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FAQ
What does “you are creating your life” really mean?
Your thoughts, beliefs, desires, and emotional patterns influence the choices you make and the experiences you attract. The article suggests that your inner world often shapes your outer reality, whether you are consciously aware of it or not.
How can unconscious desires affect my life?
Unconscious desires can drive behaviors, decisions, and habits without you realizing it. For example, a desire for control, approval, or security may influence your actions and create outcomes that do not align with your deeper values or long-term happiness.
Why is self-awareness important for personal growth?
Self-awareness helps you recognize the motivations behind your actions and the patterns shaping your life. By understanding your true desires, you can make conscious choices that support greater fulfillment, freedom, and alignment with your authentic self.
What does it mean to choose different desires?
Choosing different desires means intentionally shifting your focus from fear-based or ego-driven goals, such as validation or control, toward values that bring deeper meaning, such as love, service, compassion, growth, and personal freedom.
How can spiritual practices help uncover subconscious blocks?
Spiritual practices such as meditation, reflection, mindfulness, and alchemical techniques can help reveal hidden beliefs and emotional patterns. By bringing these subconscious influences into awareness, you can release limiting behaviors and create positive changes in your life.