A Journey Through Betrayal, Trauma, and Healing

Ten years ago, my marriage blew up and I found myself in total chaos. 

For months, even a few years, my mind was often spinning with intrusive thoughts, my emotions were so big I couldn’t pull out of them, and my body was freaking out doing weird things–like waking me up at 4 in the morning or locking my spine to where I couldn’t move for days on end. 

Choosing Awareness Over Numbing

Because I knew what I was experiencing was connected to the event that had taken place in my life, I didn’t want to medicate myself.

I knew intuitively that my mind and body were reacting for a reason, and I didn’t want to numb them. I wanted to understand them and learn how to work with them more skillfully. 

Discovering the Healing Path

This led me to a healing pathway that changed my life forever.

It started with learning the language of betrayal trauma: an actual physiological condition that mirrors PTSD and occurs when our primary attachments go from being our most trusted safe places to the source of our deepest pain.

Making Sense of the Experience 

Suddenly, my chaotic experience began to make perfect sense. 

Of course, I felt crazy, my body had kicked me into my limbic system–my survival brain–where the most reactive, instinctual parts of me were now behind the wheel, desperately trying to protect me 24/7. 

Of course, my body felt weird–I was filling it with cortisol and adrenaline day-in and day-out as I navigated an unexpected and unwelcome new reality on high alert. 

Building Trust Through Understanding 

Understanding trauma gave me the tools and language to not only work with the chaos in my mind and body, but it also gave me the foundation to start to trust myself again.

Years of Recovery and Growth 

I spent about seven years in betrayal trauma recovery, eventually becoming a sponsor, presenter, administrator, and author of recovery materials. 

The more I learned, healed, and observed others on similar journeys, the more obvious it became that some kind of relational trauma was almost universal and that it’s where most people remain stuck. 

The Missing Piece 

I realized that without an understanding of the role trauma was playing in my experience and my reactions, I would never have been able to fully heal. 

It would be like playing the game without a full deck of cards. 

Creating a New Approach 

That’s why after seven years, I left the 12-step world of addiction and trauma recovery, and created a mindfulness-based, trauma-informed program to bring the same tools and healing principles to the world. 

Understanding Different Types of Betrayal 

Because the fact is, there’s more than one kind of betrayal, and whatever kind you experience, it creates its own kind of trauma in the body that will hold you hostage for days, weeks, decades, if you don’t know how to work with it., and whatever kind you experience, it creates its own kind of trauma in the body that will hold you hostage for days, weeks, decades, if you don’t know how to work with it. 

Your body might be holding on to a sense of betrayal from the way you were raised, from a religion, from a career gone wrong, from life itself, from God, and yes. from an intimate partner. 

Recognizing the Signs 

If you struggle with unresolved feelings of bitterness, resentment, victimhood, paranoia, numbness, or apathy that you can trace back to an event or relationship that has a tinge of betrayal to it, you’re likely dealing with a trauma you never even realized. 

And you’ll be stuck until you start working with a trauma-informed toolkit. 

A New Way to Begin Healing 

If this journey resonates with you, I want to share something I created from my own experience. 

There was a time when my life felt whole and then, in a single moment, everything fell apart. What followed was a path from fear to freedom, learning to trust myself again and step into the unknown. 

I wrote Undone, Unafraid for those who are walking this path of healing. 

A Message of Support 

I never wanted anyone to experience the loneliness and isolation that I went through before I found the trauma-informed tools that could actually help me. 

I never want anyone to miss the beautiful journey of growth and healing that is so possible with the right framework and support. 

Invitation to Join 

If you or someone you know has struggled with feelings of bitterness, victimhood, or apathy and they’d like to know more, please register here to be part of this LIVE training for absolutely free. 

With love and fellowship on the journey,
Becky 

FAQs:

Q.1 What is betrayal trauma?

Betrayal trauma is a physiological and emotional response that happens when someone or something you trust deeply becomes a source of pain. It can feel overwhelming because your sense of safety is suddenly disrupted. 

Q.2 Why does my body react so strongly to betrayal? 

Your body shifts into survival mode, activating your limbic system as the part of your brain responsible for protection. This can lead to intense emotions, intrusive thoughts, and physical symptoms like restlessness or exhaustion.

Q.3 Can unresolved betrayal trauma keep me stuck? 

Yes, unresolved trauma can keep you stuck in patterns like bitterness, resentment, numbness, or even apathy. Without understanding what’s happening internally, it’s hard to move forward and fully heal.

Q.4 Is betrayal trauma only related to relationships? 

No, betrayal can come from many areas of life, childhood experiences, religion, career setbacks, life events, or even your relationship with yourself. Each can leave a lasting impact on the body and mind.

Q.5 How can I begin healing from betrayal trauma? 

Healing begins with understanding trauma and learning how to work with your mind and body instead of against them. A trauma-informed approach and the right tools can help you rebuild trust and move toward growth.