I’m writing today because after yesterday’s violence at UVU, you are on my mind, and I want to check in.
Are you doing okay?
It’s been surreal to watch our little Utah Valley under the spotlight of the whole world. I taught at UVU for over a decade and have found myself replaying where I would have been on campus, how terrified my students would have been, how scary it would be to have to return there when classes resume next week.
One of my best friends works right on campus near the shooting and was stuck there for hours, trying to make sense of the situation as it unfolded and keep students safe. So many people I know had children or loved ones who were traumatized by being there, and just knowing how easily more people could have been harmed is a trauma in itself.
Yesterday was a day of Big-T Trauma for so many people here in Utah. And if that’s you, I want to make sure you’ve got some tools in your toolkit.
First, give yourself permission to not be okay.
It’s okay to feel whatever you feel. You don’t have to clean it up or be “fine.” What happened is a big deal and it makes perfect sense that you would be affected by it– however that’s showing up for you.
Second, make space for self-care.
Self-care is one of the most important things you can do after experiencing a trauma, and I don’t mean a spa treatment or manicure. I mean actually tending to the present needs of your mind, body, and spirit with nurturing compassion.
Trauma is stored in the body. Have you ever seen what happens when a rabbit gets chased by a dog? Once it’s made its way to safety, it will pause and shake for a moment. This is an evolutionary response to discharge the trauma or stress response that occured in the body when the rabbit was in danger.
You’re just like that rabbit, so find a way to move and release with your breath and body. Go for a walk, stand up and shake out your hands with a big exhale. Maybe find a safe, alone place and yell, scream or cry. It’s important to let the emotion move THROUGH you, rather than getting stuck. And even though it can be scary to feel, you will find that it will pass through, and you can tolerate it.
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Third, reach out for support.
It’s often counterintuitive to reach out when we’re really struggling. This is true for me, too. But our own crazy thrives in the dark. Making contact with other people has research-backed benefits that go beyond what we can even understand in our logical minds. There is a spiritual dimension of being connected to safe people that grounds us in important ways that we just can’t do on our own. No matter how tempting it is to hide away, push yourself to make contact with another safe human today. Please.
There’s not one right way to deal with trauma, and as long as you’re making space for your emotions and self-care, you’re doing it right.
My prayer for us all today, is that we can allow this tragic moment to help us see more clearly the cost of our own judgment and fear. That it will motivate us to deepen our willingness to listen and allow, even when we disagree with each other. That it will break our “I know best” walls down and inspire us to acknowledge the limitations of our own humanity. In this holy grief, we can reach for that Something Higher that is all around us and within us, that Something that is big enough to hold that which is too terrible to bear alone.
May we each allow this moment to serve our collective awakening. For ourselves, for each other, for the world.
Take care of yourself today, my friend.
With so much love,
Becky