Author: Becky Moller

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A Journey Through Betrayal, Trauma, and Healing

A Journey Through Betrayal, Trauma, and Healing

A Journey Through Betrayal, Trauma, and Healing

Ten years ago, my marriage blew up and I found myself in total chaos. 

For months, even a few years, my mind was often spinning with intrusive thoughts, my emotions were so big I couldn’t pull out of them, and my body was freaking out doing weird things–like waking me up at 4 in the morning or locking my spine to where I couldn’t move for days on end. 

Choosing Awareness Over Numbing

Because I knew what I was experiencing was connected to the event that had taken place in my life, I didn’t want to medicate myself.

I knew intuitively that my mind and body were reacting for a reason, and I didn’t want to numb them. I wanted to understand them and learn how to work with them more skillfully. 

Discovering the Healing Path

This led me to a healing pathway that changed my life forever.

It started with learning the language of betrayal trauma: an actual physiological condition that mirrors PTSD and occurs when our primary attachments go from being our most trusted safe places to the source of our deepest pain.

Making Sense of the Experience 

Suddenly, my chaotic experience began to make perfect sense. 

Of course, I felt crazy, my body had kicked me into my limbic system–my survival brain–where the most reactive, instinctual parts of me were now behind the wheel, desperately trying to protect me 24/7. 

Of course, my body felt weird–I was filling it with cortisol and adrenaline day-in and day-out as I navigated an unexpected and unwelcome new reality on high alert. 

Building Trust Through Understanding 

Understanding trauma gave me the tools and language to not only work with the chaos in my mind and body, but it also gave me the foundation to start to trust myself again.

Years of Recovery and Growth 

I spent about seven years in betrayal trauma recovery, eventually becoming a sponsor, presenter, administrator, and author of recovery materials. 

The more I learned, healed, and observed others on similar journeys, the more obvious it became that some kind of relational trauma was almost universal and that it’s where most people remain stuck. 

The Missing Piece 

I realized that without an understanding of the role trauma was playing in my experience and my reactions, I would never have been able to fully heal. 

It would be like playing the game without a full deck of cards. 

Creating a New Approach 

That’s why after seven years, I left the 12-step world of addiction and trauma recovery, and created a mindfulness-based, trauma-informed program to bring the same tools and healing principles to the world. 

Understanding Different Types of Betrayal 

Because the fact is, there’s more than one kind of betrayal, and whatever kind you experience, it creates its own kind of trauma in the body that will hold you hostage for days, weeks, decades, if you don’t know how to work with it., and whatever kind you experience, it creates its own kind of trauma in the body that will hold you hostage for days, weeks, decades, if you don’t know how to work with it. 

Your body might be holding on to a sense of betrayal from the way you were raised, from a religion, from a career gone wrong, from life itself, from God, and yes. from an intimate partner. 

Recognizing the Signs 

If you struggle with unresolved feelings of bitterness, resentment, victimhood, paranoia, numbness, or apathy that you can trace back to an event or relationship that has a tinge of betrayal to it, you’re likely dealing with a trauma you never even realized. 

And you’ll be stuck until you start working with a trauma-informed toolkit. 

A New Way to Begin Healing 

If this journey resonates with you, I want to share something I created from my own experience. 

There was a time when my life felt whole and then, in a single moment, everything fell apart. What followed was a path from fear to freedom, learning to trust myself again and step into the unknown. 

I wrote Undone, Unafraid for those who are walking this path of healing. 

A Message of Support 

I never wanted anyone to experience the loneliness and isolation that I went through before I found the trauma-informed tools that could actually help me. 

I never want anyone to miss the beautiful journey of growth and healing that is so possible with the right framework and support. 

Invitation to Join 

If you or someone you know has struggled with feelings of bitterness, victimhood, or apathy and they’d like to know more, please register here to be part of this LIVE training for absolutely free. 

With love and fellowship on the journey,
Becky 

Begin Your Journey of Healing with Undone, Unafraid

Step into a story of transformation, faith, and feminine strength. Get your copy of Undone, Unafraid: Evolving through Trauma, Betrayal, Femininity & Faith and for just $1.99 (limited time launch offer) rediscover the beauty that can rise from brokenness.

Access The Book!

FAQs:

Q.1 What is betrayal trauma?

Betrayal trauma is a physiological and emotional response that happens when someone or something you trust deeply becomes a source of pain. It can feel overwhelming because your sense of safety is suddenly disrupted. 

Q.2 Why does my body react so strongly to betrayal? 

Your body shifts into survival mode, activating your limbic system as the part of your brain responsible for protection. This can lead to intense emotions, intrusive thoughts, and physical symptoms like restlessness or exhaustion.

Q.3 Can unresolved betrayal trauma keep me stuck? 

Yes, unresolved trauma can keep you stuck in patterns like bitterness, resentment, numbness, or even apathy. Without understanding what’s happening internally, it’s hard to move forward and fully heal.

Q.4 Is betrayal trauma only related to relationships? 

No, betrayal can come from many areas of life, childhood experiences, religion, career setbacks, life events, or even your relationship with yourself. Each can leave a lasting impact on the body and mind.

Q.5 How can I begin healing from betrayal trauma? 

Healing begins with understanding trauma and learning how to work with your mind and body instead of against them. A trauma-informed approach and the right tools can help you rebuild trust and move toward growth.

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Do You Know How to Follow Your Heart?

One of my all-time favorite moments happened on a Sunday afternoon, on the soft lawn of a local park, gazing up at the golden sky as thousands of geese passed through for hours on end.

I remember just lying there in awe as flock after flock cut their way across, aligned with the southern trajectory of the snow-capped mountain peaks to the east.

How do they know where they’re going? I wondered.

At the time, I longed for so much trust to blindly follow an uncharted path, guided by nothing more than the depth and surety of my own inner knowing.

This is the kind of heart-led path I’ve been trying to follow for well over 10 years now, and it’s taken me places I never dreamed I’d go.

I’ve since authored 2 published works and my 3rd (and most vulnerable!) book is on its way to being released.

I’ve started two businesses that regularly require me to step out of my comfort zone, learn how to do things I never thought I could do, navigate conflict, and face my own limitations.

I’ve deepened and found alignment in relationships I feared were irreparable. I’ve released other relationships that no longer served.

All of these things have felt very brave, very heart-guided, and very unknown.

The old me could never have done them.

The old me was stuck in self-doubt and fear.

Stuck in conformity and playing a part and a desperate need to meet and exceed expectations.

You see, I’d experienced some major events in my life that had caused me to deeply doubt myself. To question my worth. To distrust my body and my own ability to see clearly.

I’d experienced a major betrayal — and with all the other challenges that come with having the rug pulled out from under you, the deepest one is that it often takes away your ability to trust yourself.

It took the right tools and framework, and a willingness to let myself be seen in all my messy humanity to reclaim what I saw so clearly displayed that day across the crisp autumn sky.

It took a deep, abiding trust in my Self.

Not in my personality or abilities. Not in my specialness or worthiness or some passionate story about what I deserved or anything like that.

It took a big-T Trust in the Highest and Deepest within me — the Something Higher that I could feel wanted to be expressed through me. The essence of Love that is all that I am and yet has nothing to do with me at all.

This Something is not unique to me. It’s in you, too…and every other being on the planet.

I look at my life today and feel a kinship with those beautiful birds who beckoned to me years ago, calling me to a more adventurous and fulfilling life.

Calling me to let go of my agenda and perceived notions of safety and success, to reclaim my heart, and simply follow, one mindful, surrendered step at a time.

It’s a calling for all truth-seekers, wounded warriors, maximizers, and dreamers who want to live deeper and richer.

I’m here to discover my own heart-guided journey, not to be a cog in a wheel on somebody else’s machine.

People who’ve experienced betrayals and rock-bottoms and who need the tools to find that Self-trust again—or maybe discover it for the first time ever.

Your absolute trust in your Deepest Self is the one thing that will carry you further than you ever thought you could go. There are reliable tools to find this trust within yourself and you’re worth the journey.

In love and fellowship,
Becky

P.S. I’ve been working on a special FREE training to offer some clear, digestible tools for those of you who want to better understanding you’re stuck in self-doubt and how to get more free. We’ll be going LIVE on Tuesday and Thursday, Nov 19 & 21. You can learn more and register here.

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IFS Theory – How to Uncover Your Protectors and Find Your Highest Self

Tomorrow is Halloween, the day we love to be scared.

According to Google Trends, you’ll likely see Shrunken Head Bob from “Beetlejuice,” Envy from “Inside Out 2”, and Red from “The Descendants” if you’re pounding the pavement with the trick-or-treaters tomorrow.

There seems to be something in the human psyche that loves to dress up and play a part.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a psychological theory that claims that all human beings are made up of parts: different sub-personalities that have different goals and different ways of seeing the world.

Before you poo-poo this notion, consider yourself.

Don’t you have different versions of yourself that show up in different places?

Is the part that shows up at the office the same as the part that shows up at home with the kids?

What about the part that shows up with your family-of-origin?

With your closest friends?

The more you observe yourself, the more you’ll notice the many parts that help you skillfully navigate your world.

Each has its own goals, its own behaviors, its own beliefs.

And each one developed from a deep subconscious need to protect you – to help you survive.

The parts that show up in the most protective ways are called Protectors–and these are the ones I want you to get curious about today.

Because your Protectors, although well-meaning, are likely causing a lot of chaos in your life.

Protectors can show up explosive, defensive, combative, and ready to take on the world.

They can also show up very very nice and accommodating, trying to help you fly under the radar and stay safe.

But no matter how your Protectors show up or the temporary safety they provide,

they’re also keeping you from stepping into and operating from your Highest Self–the truest and deepest part of you that is wise, capable, aligned, and guided by love.

Learning to notice and take full accountability for the way your Protectors show up is a powerful tool to help you break your patterns of self-sabotage or dysfunction in your relationships.

For a FREE PDF download, How to Uncover Your Protectors and Find Your Highest Self, follow this link:
https://beckymoller.com/free-download-uncovering-protectors-with-ifs/

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Do You Want More Passion & Purpose in Life?

A few weeks ago, I spent a weekend in New York City with my daughter. She’s 17, and auditioning for some of the most prestigious college dance programs out there.

We spent days with students and faculty who are out becoming change-makers, the ones in the arena, facing their fear to wear their heart on their sleeve on a daily basis and allow their very best to not be good enough—again and again.

We walked down busy streets bustling with people from every walk of life, every ethnicity imaginable. We heard dozens of languages as we sidestepped smoky sewer covers and avoided being honked at by taxi drivers.

We waited in line at a bagel shop where a Puerto-Rican twenty-something in a backwards baseball cap and apron loudly directed all the wide-eyed tourists on where to stand and how and what to order from an impressive array of colorful bagels and flavored cream cheeses stacked so high it looked like gelato.

And I never felt more sure I’d witnessed someone who was fully living their purpose.

You see, there’s something about the Big Apple, something about this district of New York. There’s a tangible energy radiating off of it.

It’s a place for dreamers.

For people so hell-bent on following their hearts that they’re actively refusing to get sidetracked by the ever-present fear that they’ll fall flat on their face.

Whether they’re first-generation immigrants risking it all for a startup bagel shop or young people like my daughter hoping to make an impact in the world through artistry and storytelling…

It’s a place for doers.

For people willing to show up and figure it out, to take risks, get creative and work their butt off as long as it feels right. As long as it feeds their soul.

It’s a place for maximizers.

For people who want more out of life than comfort. More than status quo, more than safety and security. For people who want to make life a game of potential and play it with passion.

Who dare to imagine the uncharted edges of their ability instead of how to guarantee that they will never fail, never be humiliated, never be exposed as incapable or not talented enough.

This New York energy is one that I’ve come to know in myself over the past ten years, as I’ve devoted myself wholeheartedly to my own wild frontier of spiritual healing.

This energy began to stir inside me a decade ago when I finally released the identities I’d clung to for as long as I could remember: old definitions of what it means to be a “good woman,” “good wife,” “good mother,” “good person.”

It’s one that took root through a lot of ups and downs, painful realizations, and my share of trainwrecks…until I finally understood how to find and feel my own heart, my own inner guide, my own compass.

And now, where I used to feel fear and obligation, I feel a deep trust in myself and an unwavering sense of choice in every single situation I face.

Where I used to feel anxiety and overwhelm, now I feel passion, surrender, and purpose.

Where I used to feel that I was not enough, now I feel unalterably connected to a Self-Love that has the capacity to hold all of who I am—darkness and light, strength and weakness, in endless compassion.

Soul work is not for everyone. Heaven knows it’s not easy.

But for those of us who breathe in glittery New York air and something inside us comes alive…

…It’s inevitable.

If you find yourself living below your purpose, feeling dead inside, stuck in unproductive patterns and dissatisfying relationships…

…know that a brighter future can be yours. With the right tools and framework, you can create a future as limitless and bright as the New York city skyline.

The world needs your passion, your heart, your wisdom and perspective, your most authentic Self. Don’t settle for somebody else’s definition of who you’re supposed to be.

You were born to be an unafraid, unapologetic, fully accountable, and joyfully aligned YOU. You were born to manifest the Highest within you. And with the right tools and framework, you can.

With Love on the Journey,
Becky

P.S. In January, we’re launching our new cohort for 2025: Awakening Unplugged: A Year of Self-discovery to Open Your Heart and Transform Your Pain to Purpose. Watch for more information in the coming months!

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The Answer Is Not in the Expert

Five years ago, my husband surprised me with tickets to “An Evening with Eckhart Tolle, live at the Chicago Theatre.” Our seats were less than ten rows back and I couldn’t wait to be only feet away from the person who’d changed my life so dramatically.

I had been on my own journey of awakening for five years at the time, and two years earlier, I’d somehow stumbled into Eckhart: an adorable little German man in a sweater vest on YouTube. In almost every talk, he spoke unrehearsed about one singular thing: the essentials of spiritual awakening, finding the present moment, transcending the ego, surrender.

His words gave language to the internal shifts I’d been experiencing for the past year, and I fell in love with the clarity, presence, and Namaste I felt in this unpretentious little man.

I devoured his book The Power of Now and more often than not was streaming his talks from YouTube. Most days when my kids piled into the car for after school rides, they would buckle in and say, “Mom, is this Eckhart again?”

So when I stepped into the Chicago Theatre on a windy March Saturday night, my stomach was butterflies. By this time, I’d read all of Eckhart’s works and watched him on Oprah. I had listened to so many hours of his talks I could often predict his answers to the questions people posed to him in his customary Q&A’s. To me, he was the most influential person on the planet.

I settled into my seat and felt the grandeur of the golden scaffoldings around the stage, the pomp of the velvet red curtain.

I closed my eyes and reached for my husband’s hand. I felt the heat of our fingers intertwined as I breathed all the way down to the soles of my feet. I wanted my heart to calm, my ears to open. I wanted to be fully present for this moment. I didn’t want to miss a thing.

The people sitting behind us were buzzing in conversation and I was surprised to hear two women gossiping and complaining about some trivial matter. How could they be tied up in such trivial matters at such an important moment? Did they have any clue about who this man was or the heart of his teachings?

When the curtain rose and Eckhart shuffled across the stage in his sweater vest and settled into the plain chair set for him in the middle of an empty stage, my stomach leapt and my eyes sprung with tears.

Eckhart’s eyes squinted as his face surveyed the crowd with his customary grin. He grinned and breathed for several minutes, collecting himself in total presence before he finally started to talk.

Eckhart talked that night for three hours, with no script and no agenda, as he always does. I don’t think I remember a single thing that he said, actually, but I do remember the frequency I felt from him: the presence, the Namaste, the steadying calm. Whenever I forget who I am, I can listen to Eckhart Tolle speak, and I am somehow reconnected with my own portal to the Divine.

But what I remember most about that night is when the curtain dropped. The people behind me stood up and remarked how wonderful the talk was before starting back in on their gossipy rants.

How peculiar, I thought as I sat in my chair, breathed down to my feet again, and let it all settle as the crowd emptied from the red seats around me and Nate.

What was I feeling? A confusion stirring within me, a cloud dissipating, Something New, a knowing that had been growing for a long time settling into Something More Solid than it had ever been before.

The distinct understanding that nothing was offered tonight, nothing was available here in this theater that I flew across the country for and paid hotels and tickets for that I didn’t already have.

That with all the love I felt and feel for this remarkable little man and all the ways I honor the role he has played in the evolution of the human race, that he himself is not what is so valuable that millions of people would buy his book and thousands would buy expensive tickets to see him live at auditoriums or retreats.

What is so so valuable is What is coming through him.

And I realized that that Thing, that Presence, that Divine Stillness and Clarity, was also taking root in me… as I practiced finding and feeling It in the mundane existence of my daily life.

I realized deep down in my bones that awakening doesn’t come from flying to Chicago and seeing Eckhart Tolle in person, or practicing yoga and meditation with his wife Kim, as we’d done earlier that day.

My most valuable assets in the incredible awakening happening inside of me were the structures and frameworks I had at home that were keeping me aware, accountable, and in contact with the Presence that Eckhart talks about:

My weekly meetings where I touch in and stay focused on the state of my own heart and mind. My 12-step sponsor whom I often reached out to for real-time feedback as I navigated all the ups and downs of having my entire worldview dissolve around me. The embodied mindfulness tools that helped me cut through the chaos and clutter, one moment at a time, and breathe my way out of my old unconscious reactions to find Something Higher at my center, able to guide me in ways I had never experienced before.

These simple, unimpressive structures of my daily life were worth more than any guru. And the Light I felt and feel in His Teachings are simply a reflection of the Light that also lives in me. In you. In each and every one of us on the planet.

It’s a far cry from reading somebody’s book or listening to their podcast and living the principles that resonate enough to keep you listening. To walk the walk, you need a lifestyle and network that supports the changes you want to make.

From that moment on, I became deeply passionate about offering others the framework of healing I’d been so generously given:

  • embodied awareness/personal meditation practice
  • mindfulness-based, trauma-informed understanding of the mechanics of spiritual healing
  • Regular touchpoints and accountability – weekly meetings
  • Mentors who are at least two steps ahead of me on the path

I dedicated the next 3 years of my life as Executive Director in a 12-step non-profit, where I did my best to incorporate all these tools into our 12-step non-profit. I wrote recovery manuals, weekly blog posts, spoke at Conferences, and led Women’s Retreats.

I witnessed hundreds of individuals and couples heal from heart-wrenching traumas and betrayals, turning life-shattering tragedies into vehicles toward a more awakened and compassionate heart, and stronger families.

Four years ago, I left the 12-step world to bring this framework to a more Universal audience with my partner Nesha through Lifehouse Body and Soul, because I know in my bones that this framework has the ability to lead any willing heart to the same knowing, the same Light that emanates so richly from Eckhart Tolle and others like him.

There is nothing in them that is not also in you. The clarity, peace, and presence they have is simply a product of the practice they’ve put in and the unwavering desire they have for it.

There is nothing stopping you from committing yourself to the same practice. From jumping into the same deconstruction of your small, armored, striving self.

There is nothing out there that is not already right here, within you.

When you’re ready to let go and let yourself be undone, we’ll be here, with the simple structure that can carry you gently, one step, one moment at a time, as you learn how to peel back the fear and conditioning, and uncover the Divine Love that’s just waiting to flow unfettered from your miraculous human heart.

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Letting it all Fall Apart

When people come to me for help, they often express a sense of feeling lost or ungrounded.

Maybe they’ve recently experienced a significant loss or are moving through an unexpected life transition.

On the surface, the change may have impacted their intimate relationships, their career, their family stability or their faith…but deep down, the change has begun to unravel their deepest sense of self, and this feels universally terrifying.

Who am I?

What do I want out of life?

Am I truly living my purpose?

In my experience, most humans will inevitably face such a moment—usually sometime between their thirties and sixties.

In my view, these are not questions to be avoided. These are questions to be embraced.

Richard Rohr, a Franciscan Friar, teaches about the two halves of life in his beautiful book: Falling Upward.

In the first half of life, we spend most of our time building our box: we’re focused on all the things we’re supposed to do and meeting the expectations we’ve been given by others. We’re creating an identity that gives us stability and a clear path to follow.

But sooner or later, most of us will hit a point that has the potential to propel us into a new way of being: a more personal spirituality, a more imaginative and expressive way of operating, a more fulfilling and authentic path, defined by our own values and Highest joy.

This potential is called “The Second Half of Life” by Father Richard, and in contrast to all the striving and doing of our early years, it is defined by the courageous decision to allow ourselves to be un-done.

What is it to be undone?

It is to allow all the conditioning, the ego identities, the facades, the unconscious coping, the primal reactions that have helped us survive in the past to unravel…to be seen as the illusions they are.

It is to learn how to let all the noise and clutter fall away and awake to the fact that your human heart, in partnership with your wise and miraculous body, has always been beating inside you since the moment you were born, trying to guide you to the truest and most expansive version of your true Self.

It is to accept the reality that nobody outside of you could find this place for you, which means you must take full responsibility for the life you create in each moment. And that you have the strength, wisdom, and ability to do just that, if you only learn how.

If you are a human being facing the precipice of a “Second Half of Life” undoing, don’t despair.

Don’t hide from the very emotions that are so insistently trying to communicate the most important information you will ever come to know:

There is more for you! There is more to life than this!

Everything you are looking for is already here, within you, exactly as you are.

The problem is that most traditional methods point you to an incomplete toolkit and often come from misguided intentions, a sure sign that they have not themselves actually traveled the road that they’re attempting to help you navigate.

1. They are missing essential pieces to a truly transformative outcome. These essentials include: embodied awareness, clear, trauma-informed education and mindfulness tools, personal meditation practice, and supportive community that provides both support and real-time feedback to measure and learn to skillfully apply your learned skills.

2. They are working with you from the misguided intention that stability or comfort is the goal. The truth is that you can’t truly step into a Second Half of Life without facing your pain: in other words, you have to “feel it to heal it,” and things often get more uncomfortable before they get better. But this kind of healing is a permanent solution, a life-changing awakening, an expanded freedom that nobody can ever take away from you once you’ve done the work to find it in yourself.

We don’t preach temporary fixes or offer creative strategies to numb, avoid, or distract. We won’t encourage you to paint over the problem or come up with new ways to try to control your surroundings.

We’ll simply support you, one step at a time, with the kind of love, insight, and compassion that can only come from a fellow-journeyer, as you face your fear and learn to surrender, taking full ownership of your actions and reactions, of the state of consciousness you bring to each interaction, of the open heart and absolute integrity you’re trying to cultivate in each moment.

When you’re ready, we can help you step into a truly transformative Second Half of Life with a more complete toolkit than any other approach I’ve ever seen in the healing and transformational space.

It has become so very apparent to me–there is something truly special that wants to be borne into the world through the Body & Soul programs.

Are you meant to be a part of it?

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Are You In for the Daily Sit Challenge?

People who are newcomers to meditation often come to me expressing the same basic sentiment:

“Becky, I think there’s something wrong with me. I cannot sit still for more than 30 seconds! I just don’t think I will ever be a meditator. It’s not the way I’m wired.”

Don’t worry–I can relate, and so can my partner Nesha. We both had to do a 7-day Silent Retreat as part of our 2-year Meditation and Mindfulness Teacher Certification, and we both found it very challenging.

Nesha shared how after a few days, she had talked herself into the conclusion that she was “just a doer, not a sitter.”

As she met with the Retreat Facilitator at the end of the week for a personal interview, she shared this theory and was met with a blank stare.

“That’s not actually a thing, you understand.”

Nesha started explaining how busy she had always kept herself in her daily life, how she ran a business and juggled tasks and how this is just the way she was wired. But she was still left without validation or excuse.

The cold hard fact is this: nobody’s brain is wired for meditation.

In fact, our modern world is constantly conditioning us to stay in the lowest levels of our brain function: our Default Network and Dorsal Attention Network where we’re primarily focused on the tasks of survival, maintaining stability, seeking pleasure and avoiding pain.

It takes practice and consistency to be able to access the higher levels of brain function found in our Present-Centered Network, where Gamma brain waves give us access to insight, creativity, strokes of genius…even a Divine intelligence beyond our own.

Just like a novice runner lacks the endurance and muscle tone required for long distances, so does a novice meditator lack the neural pathways that allow for a transcendent meditative experience.

The only way to get there is to practice: to strengthen those muscles through consistency and repetition, even when you don’t feel like it.

Those of us engaged in the Lifehouse Body & Soul Course in Mindful Living show up each week looking for peace, clarity, insight, purpose…a solution to our problems and a sense of progress in our lives.

Strengthening our Presence Muscle, the neural pathways that connect us back to our Present-Centered Network, is absolutely essential to our ability to realize the results we’re looking for.

That’s why we’re inviting you all to our Daily Sit Challenge!

Starting today, we’re asking you to track the number of consecutive days you practice a Daily Sit: anywhere from 2-5 minutes of formal meditation practice.

You can use this time to practice the anchors of presence (breath, sense perceptions, inner body awareness). You can use it to practice observing and naming the thoughts and emotions that arise. You can repeat a mantra or gaze at the flame of a candle.

We’ll track our days until we are left with a winner or small group of winners who will receive a prize and be featured on our social media and email, to share the insights they’ve gained from the experience.

Keep checking in on our social media to track your progress and stay in the running!

https://www.instagram.com/lifehousefit/

We hope you’ll join us for our Daily Sit Challenge!

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Can your wildest dreams really just drop out of the sky?

At New Year’s 2023, I’d been writing the story of my trauma journey for almost 9 years when I boarded an airplane. I knew I felt called to share my experience to help others, and I also knew I needed help to get it where I wanted it. 

But I had no idea how to find help–I’d sent the manuscript to a dozen publishers over the years and never gotten anything but polite rejection emails. I had mentally put the project on the shelf and thrown myself into more present logistical tasks: for years this meant admin work at the 12-step non-profit. Now it meant building my own mindfulness studio.

We had scarcely reached cruising altitude when I opened my laptop to type “Publish my betrayal trauma manuscript” as an official New Year intention.  

Not five minutes later, the woman sitting next to me leaned over and asked: “What do you do for a living?”

Now I’m not one to get into small talk on airplanes, but I love my work, so I started to explain my mindfulness and wellness studio in Utah: Lifehouse Body & Soul. It quickly became clear that we were kindred spirits. 

Over the course of the flight, I learned that Marissa is an author, poet, editor, and publisher in the spiritual and transformational space. She is from Wisconsin, like me, lives in Montana now–in the middle of nowhere–and is basically the exact person on the planet to publish my book. 

“Send me the manuscript tomorrow and I’ll see if it’s something we can work with. We can talk logistics from there,” she said as we gathered our suitcases and bags. 

I walked off the airplane in shock, floating on a cloud, my stomach butterflies and my head buzzing. Within days, we’re under contract and my almost-forgotten labor of love is on its way into the world.

Holy crap. The exact person I’d been searching for for 9 years—literally, dropped out of the sky and into my lap.

Experiences like this still give me the chills, and one after another, they’ve paved the path of every step that’s taken me to where I am.

I never thought I would start my own business. Never had any inkling to run a non-profit. Even as an idealistic English major at BYU, I never dreamed I would actually be published.

(Undone, Unafraid: Evolving through trauma, betrayal, femininity and faith. Set to release on October 12th, 2024—you’re invited! 😉

It’s all just so…unbelievable. And it all started with that deep-level decision: to fully commit myself to a supportive community with the right tools, and then let go and trust. 

Every time I think of my rock bottom, I see myself huddled under bed covers in the dark, shaking and alone and totally powerless…and I feel it all so personally. That moment was so real. 

I don’t want anyone to go through what I went through—believing they’re alone and powerless and that barely surviving is the best they can hope for. 

I want to shout it from the rooftops—Where you are is not the end! In fact, it’s the beginning of a more passionate and fulfilling life than you’ve even imagined. All you need are the right tools: and they’re right here–inside you!

My life has become a Love Note to the Universe: a thank-you for the incredible journey that’s made all the ugly stuff so beautiful and purposeful. 

I do what I do because I truly, deeply care. I do what I do because giving back is a part of my own healing journey. I do what I do because I truly feel that I have a responsibility to the Universe to give to others what I have so generously received, and I know that, with all my imperfections, I’ve become uniquely suited to do so. 

Healing isn’t something you can learn from a textbook or a PhD. It’s a spiritual art, an embodied and engaged lifestyle passed along through lived-experience warriors who help us find our way. We can’t do it alone.

The Body & Soul programs will help you find and become such a warrior. I can’t point you to a place with a more complete framework— support, practices, and structure—to help you find your best self on the deepest level. 

If you’re ready, it’s the perfect time to join us. Our Fall Programs kick off in the middle of August: online and in-person for Youth (12-18), Young Adults, General Adults, and Women. 

It’s within you to do it, and nobody else can do it for you. If you’ve got a willing heart, the right tools are right here waiting for you. 

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When you jump off a cliff and land on a springboard

Slowly but surely, everything in my life changed after that moment of total surrender. Initially, those changes looked scary. My husband and I separated—my heart-centered response to the dissonance I still felt between us.

But over time, each next-right-step carved space for a new, healthier reality to emerge. It was like every time I paused to check my heart, my small fearful ego was stepping back to make room for God to enter the equation. And He did.

I knew when to hold boundaries and when to open my heart. I could feel my next right step from the alignment I felt within me each time I paused to look there in trust.

My husband and I were eventually able to create a new marriage between us with awareness and accountability for all the “stuff” we habitually bring into our relationship.

Ten years later, he is completely sober from sexual acting out, and we’re still growing, stronger than we’ve ever been.

There is nothing we cannot discuss, no part of ourselves we hold back from each other. We are truly, deeply, in it together.

And this miraculous, surrendered pathway has not only brought healing to my relationships, it has skyrocketed every single aspect of my life.

Since then, expanding opportunities have seemed to drop into my lap, right out of the sky, including:

  • Teaching embodiment through fitness to thousands of University students at BYU and UVU for almost 20 years as a group exercise instructor and program coordinator.
  • Running a 12-step non-profit for betrayal trauma and sexual addiction for 3 years as the Executive Director where I learned invaluable lessons on how group healing happens.
  • Starting a mindfulness and wellness studio with my partner Nesha—who I was totally led to through an illogical, gut-level, trauma-related prompting.
  • Taking my 200-level Yoga Training in 2020–even amidst the COVID-19 pandemic!
  • Graduating from a 2 year training (2021-2023) as a Certified Mindfulness and Meditation Teacher through Jack Kornfield and Tara Brach, in partnership with the UC Berkeley Greater Good Science Center & Awareness Training Institute
  • Graduating from the Teachers of Presence Program with Eckhart Tolle (2023)
  • Studying again with Jack Kornfield (June 2024) in his amazing Interactive Guided Meditation Master Class
  • Guiding and journeying with clients through traumas and transitions of all types:
  • losing a spouse, losing a child, the crisis of betrayal/infidelity, long-term addiction recovery, body issues, disordered eating, lifelong battles with anxiety/OCD, navigating faith transitions, healing perfectionism, helping people to deepen their faith. I truly feel, as I’m able to witness these sacred moments of healing and release, that I am on holy ground with fellow travelers.
  • Continuing to strengthen and improve my relationships with my husband and children: Nate and I just celebrated our 22nd wedding anniversary and it keeps getting better. We’ve come so far and still have more progress to make!

As I write them out, I’m still in shock at the amazing places this unbelievable road has taken me: to places I never dreamed I’d go.

I truly believe similar adventures are waiting for you–waiting for anyone who makes the same gut-level decision to let go, commit to the Highest within them, and leap into the unknown with an open, willing heart.

Tomorrow, you’ll get my last email, with the most unbelievable part of my wild ride… and my best invitation into your own adventure, if you’re ready to take it.

Your fellow on the journey,

Becky