Can a narcissistic husband change?

Change is possible in theory, but it requires the narcissistic partner to genuinely acknowledge the problem, pursue consistent long-term therapy, and tolerate the discomfort of accountability without the promise of reward. This is rare, and it is important not to base decisions on the hope of change rather than the reality of current behavior.

Is my husband a narcissist or just emotionally immature?

The distinction matters less than the impact. Whether the behavior stems from narcissistic personality disorder, emotional immaturity, or unresolved trauma, the harm still exists. What matters is how you are being treated and what you need, not the diagnostic label.

What is the difference between narcissistic abuse and normal relationship conflict?

Normal conflict involves two people who both feel hurt and are willing to take some responsibility. Narcissistic abuse involves a persistent pattern where one person’s reality is consistently dismissed, their emotions are used against them, and accountability is not genuinely accepted.

Why do I keep making excuses for his behavior?

This is a common experience in these relationships and does not indicate weakness. Cognitive dissonance, trauma bonding, and cycles of intense affection followed by mistreatment can create strong psychological attachment. Understanding this helps build self-compassion rather than self-blame.

Should I try couples therapy with a narcissistic husband?

Many trauma-informed therapists advise against starting with couples therapy when narcissistic abuse is present. Individual therapy with a professional experienced in betrayal trauma and coercive control is generally a safer and more effective first step.

healing from trauma Archives

Can your wildest dreams really just drop out of the sky?

At New Year’s 2023, I’d been writing the story of my trauma journey for almost 9 years when I boarded an airplane. I knew I felt called to share my experience to help others, and I also knew I needed help to get it where I wanted it.

But I had no idea how to find help–I’d sent the manuscript to a dozen publishers over the years and never gotten anything but polite rejection emails. I had mentally put the project on the shelf and thrown myself into more present logistical tasks: for years this meant admin work at the 12-step non-profit. Now it meant building my own mindfulness studio.

We had scarcely reached cruising altitude when I opened my laptop to type “Publish my betrayal trauma manuscript” as an official New Year intention.

Not five minutes later, the woman sitting next to me leaned over and asked: “What do you do for a living?”

Now I’m not one to get into small talk on airplanes, but I love my work, so I started to explain my mindfulness and wellness studio in Utah: Lifehouse Body & Soul. It quickly became clear that we were kindred spirits.

Over the course of the flight, I learned that Marissa is an author, poet, editor, and publisher in the spiritual and transformational space. She is from Wisconsin, like me, lives in Montana now–in the middle of nowhere–and is basically the exact person on the planet to publish my book.

“Send me the manuscript tomorrow and I’ll see if it’s something we can work with. We can talk logistics from there,” she said as we gathered our suitcases and bags.

I walked off the airplane in shock, floating on a cloud, my stomach butterflies and my head buzzing. Within days, we’re under contract and my almost-forgotten labor of love is on its way into the world.

Holy crap. The exact person I’d been searching for for 9 years—literally, dropped out of the sky and into my lap.

Experiences like this still give me the chills, and one after another, they’ve paved the path of every step that’s taken me to where I am.

I never thought I would start my own business. Never had any inkling to run a non-profit. Even as an idealistic English major at BYU, I never dreamed I would actually be published.

(Undone, Unafraid: Evolving through trauma, betrayal, femininity and faith. Set to release on October 12th, 2024—you’re invited! 😉

It’s all just so…unbelievable. And it all started with that deep-level decision: to fully commit myself to a supportive community with the right tools, and then let go and trust.

Every time I think of my rock bottom, I see myself huddled under bed covers in the dark, shaking and alone and totally powerless…and I feel it all so personally. That moment was so real.

I don’t want anyone to go through what I went through—believing they’re alone and powerless and that barely surviving is the best they can hope for.

I want to shout it from the rooftops—Where you are is not the end! In fact, it’s the beginning of a more passionate and fulfilling life than you’ve even imagined. All you need are the right tools: and they’re right here–inside you!

My life has become a Love Note to the Universe: a thank-you for the incredible journey that’s made all the ugly stuff so beautiful and purposeful.

I do what I do because I truly, deeply care. I do what I do because giving back is a part of my own healing journey. I do what I do because I truly feel that I have a responsibility to the Universe to give to others what I have so generously received, and I know that, with all my imperfections, I’ve become uniquely suited to do so.

Healing isn’t something you can learn from a textbook or a PhD. It’s a spiritual art, an embodied and engaged lifestyle passed along through lived-experience warriors who help us find our way. We can’t do it alone.

The Body & Soul programs will help you find and become such a warrior. I can’t point you to a place with a more complete framework— support, practices, and structure—to help you find your best self on the deepest level.

If you’re ready, it’s the perfect time to join us. Our Fall Programs kick off in the middle of August: online and in-person for Youth (12-18), Young Adults, General Adults, and Women.

It’s within you to do it, and nobody else can do it for you. If you’ve got a willing heart, the right tools are right here waiting for you.

Confronting Body Shame: Do you treasure your body as your most loyal friend?

Do you treasure your body as your most loyal friend?

This is something I had never considered before I experienced my own life-changing journey of trauma recovery and emotional healing.

Ten years ago, I was a busy mom of four. I volunteered a lot of hours at church and worked part-time as a certified Fitness Instructor and Aerobics Program Coordinator at two local universities (BYU & UVU).

My main worry as far as my body was concerned was managing it, and I was a harsh taskmaster. I was focused on staying in shape, maintaining my ideal weight, and performing all the tasks required of me in my various responsibilities.

When I experienced a life-changing trauma in my marriage, my body suddenly seemed to become my enemy. I couldn’t sleep, eat, or even function. I would spin into anxiety and panic attacks and was often completely overwhelmed by emotions I couldn’t control.

During this very difficult time, I slowly learned to develop an entirely different mind-body relationship with my body: a compassionate relationship of listening, honoring, and trusting.

Now, ten years later, I spend my life helping others to experience the same transformational shifts that allowed me to heal in ways I could never have predicted.

In order to change our relationship to our bodies, we have to understand a few basic truths:

Your body is hard-wired to survive: it constantly reads your surroundings and responds in ways it unconsciously believes will keep you safe – this is your nervous system’s stress response.
Your body is like a container: it holds every experience, emotion, memory, impression in its tissues and stores it until you give it permission to let go – a process known as somatic release.
You are not your body. You are not your mind. You are the soul inside who is able to observe your thoughts and emotions and choose which to follow and which to release – the foundation of mindful self-awareness.

Mindfulness practices, embodiment, and guided meditation can help us connect with the soul inside, bringing wisdom, clarity, and compassion to all the thoughts, emotions, and sensations of this holistic human experience.

If you could use a fresh start in your mind-body connection and relationship with your body, we’d love to have you join us at our somatic embodiment classes, where we work out hard, practice restorative yoga, and meditate.

Even coming once per week can make such a difference in how you feel on a daily basis. If you feel curious, come check it out! You’ve got nothing to lose but a lot of self-loathing.

Learn more about the Undone Academy here.

Help You Heal From Trauma

In fact, it opens us up to a very specific and powerful toolkit to more skillfully and accountably address what’s actually happening.

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Frequently Asked Questions –

Q1: What is the mind-body connection and why does it matter for trauma recovery?

The mind-body connection refers to how our mental and emotional states directly influence physical health. In trauma recovery, understanding this link helps people recognize how stored stress and unresolved emotions manifest as physical symptoms – and how somatic practices can support healing.

Q2: What are embodiment classes and what can I expect from them?

Embodiment classes combine movement, breathwork, yoga, and meditation to help you reconnect with your physical body in a mindful way. They are designed for people at all fitness levels who want to reduce stress, process emotions, and build a healthier relationship with themselves.

Q3: How does trauma get stored in the body?

Trauma can become “trapped” in the body’s nervous system and muscle tissue as unprocessed emotional memory. Somatic therapies and mindful movement practices help the body safely release this stored tension, reducing symptoms like anxiety, panic attacks, and chronic stress.

Q4: Can yoga and meditation help with anxiety and panic attacks?

Yes. Regular yoga and meditation practice has been shown to calm the nervous system, lower cortisol levels, and improve emotional regulation – all of which reduce the frequency and intensity of anxiety and panic attacks over time.

Q5: How often should I attend embodiment or mindfulness classes to see results?

Even attending once per week can create noticeable shifts in mood, stress levels, and body awareness. Consistency matters more than frequency – showing up regularly, even briefly, builds the mind-body awareness needed for lasting emotional and physical wellbeing.