Can a narcissistic husband change?

Change is possible in theory, but it requires the narcissistic partner to genuinely acknowledge the problem, pursue consistent long-term therapy, and tolerate the discomfort of accountability without the promise of reward. This is rare, and it is important not to base decisions on the hope of change rather than the reality of current behavior.

Is my husband a narcissist or just emotionally immature?

The distinction matters less than the impact. Whether the behavior stems from narcissistic personality disorder, emotional immaturity, or unresolved trauma, the harm still exists. What matters is how you are being treated and what you need, not the diagnostic label.

What is the difference between narcissistic abuse and normal relationship conflict?

Normal conflict involves two people who both feel hurt and are willing to take some responsibility. Narcissistic abuse involves a persistent pattern where one person’s reality is consistently dismissed, their emotions are used against them, and accountability is not genuinely accepted.

Why do I keep making excuses for his behavior?

This is a common experience in these relationships and does not indicate weakness. Cognitive dissonance, trauma bonding, and cycles of intense affection followed by mistreatment can create strong psychological attachment. Understanding this helps build self-compassion rather than self-blame.

Should I try couples therapy with a narcissistic husband?

Many trauma-informed therapists advise against starting with couples therapy when narcissistic abuse is present. Individual therapy with a professional experienced in betrayal trauma and coercive control is generally a safer and more effective first step.

Blog | Becky Moller

IFS Theory – How to Uncover Your Protectors and Find Your Highest Self

Tomorrow is Halloween, the day we love to be scared. According to Google Trends, you’ll likely see Shrunken Head Bob from “Beetlejuice,” Envy from “Inside Out 2”, and Red from “The Descendants” if you’re pounding the pavement with the trick-or-treaters tomorrow. There seems to be something in the human psyche that loves to dress up […]

Do You Want More Passion & Purpose in Life?

A few weeks ago, I spent a weekend in New York City with my daughter. She’s 17, and auditioning for some of the most prestigious college dance programs out there. We spent days with students and faculty who are out becoming change-makers, the ones in the arena, facing their fear to wear their heart on […]

For My Heart-led Free Spirits & Misfits

Do you ever feel like you’re not sure where you belong? This fall, I’ve been noticing the random bright yellow branches that stick out like a sore thumb on bright green trees that seem to be otherwise happily hanging on to the full swing of summer. What is it about these singular branches that forced […]

The Answer Is Not in the Expert

Five years ago, my husband surprised me with tickets to “An Evening with Eckhart Tolle, live at the Chicago Theatre.” Our seats were less than ten rows back and I couldn’t wait to be only feet away from the person who’d changed my life so dramatically. I had been on my own journey of awakening […]

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When people come to me for help, they often express a sense of feeling lost or ungrounded. Maybe they’ve recently experienced a significant loss or are moving through an unexpected life transition. On the surface, the change may have impacted their intimate relationships, their career, their family stability or their faith…but deep down, the change […]

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People who are newcomers to meditation often come to me expressing the same basic sentiment: “Becky, I think there’s something wrong with me. I cannot sit still for more than 30 seconds! I just don’t think I will ever be a meditator. It’s not the way I’m wired.” Don’t worry–I can relate, and so can […]

Can your wildest dreams really just drop out of the sky?

At New Year’s 2023, I’d been writing the story of my trauma journey for almost 9 years when I boarded an airplane. I knew I felt called to share my experience to help others, and I also knew I needed help to get it where I wanted it. But I had no idea how to […]

When you jump off a cliff and land on a springboard

Slowly but surely, everything in my life changed after that moment of total surrender. Initially, those changes looked scary. My husband and I separated—my heart-centered response to the dissonance I still felt between us. But over time, each next-right-step carved space for a new, healthier reality to emerge. It was like every time I paused […]

When the plot twist is exactly what you didn’t know you needed

Attending that first Conference marked a moment of decision for me: a decision to do whatever it took to heal–fully. To let go of the fears that had been holding me back–the fears of being judged or rejected because of our mistakes, of not having enough time or money to devote to my own personal […]

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