Author: Becky Moller

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Undone, Unafraid: A Journey Through Trauma, Faith & Healing

Author Becky, writer of Undone, Unafraid: Evolving through Trauma, Betrayal, Femininity & Faith, smiling in natural light portrait.

I am the mother of 5 beautiful children. These kiddos are the pride and joy of my life, and bringing each one of them into the world was a painstaking process that required my full physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual capacity. Until you’ve experienced pregnancy and giving birth, it’s hard to explain exactly what it means to hold that baby in your arms and know how much went into carrying it inside you and bringing it forward into the world.

I’m excited to share that my new book: “Undone, Unafraid: Evolving through Trauma, Betrayal, Femininity & Faith” will be launching on November 11th! And for the first 24-48 hours, you can grab it for the special rate of $1.99 USD!

UNDONE, UNAFRAID is an intimate story of betrayal trauma, and so much more: Of breaking down and through the programming of religious and relational paradigms that keep us suffering and stuck, and learning to surrender to an unexpected spiritual awakening—the dissolution of the ego self and the discovery of what awaits us beneath it.

From fear to freedom, witness the wild wisdom of true spirituality: A divine love story that will speak deeply to anyone who has known loss.

This project has been a labor of love for the past ten years of my life, and much like the birth of my beautiful children, it’s been a painstaking process that’s required my all.

The book has been through dozens of iterations, advanced readers, multiple publishers and cover designs. I’m even re-recording the Audible, which I completed a year ago and is now almost obsolete after switching publishers last fall.

Begin Your Journey of Healing with Undone, Unafraid

Step into a story of transformation, faith, and feminine strength. Get your copy of Undone, Unafraid: Evolving through Trauma, Betrayal, Femininity & Faith for just $1.99 (limited time launch offer) and rediscover the beauty that can rise from brokenness.

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In short, this journey has tested my drive, commitment, willingness to sacrifice, and willingness to be seen.

Like many of us parents feel from time to time, it would have been tempting to give up on it if I hadn’t known way down deep in my gut that this is my gift to give to the world. Just like each of my own miraculous children, I believe that this book has a Higher purpose and that if I do my best to see it through, it will have a life of its own for those it is meant to serve.

I am beyond grateful for the many many people who’ve been part of it’s evolution and so proud of what it’s become.

And I can’t wait to share it with you.

My hope is that this book will speak to your journey, will inspire you to keep going when things feel hopeless, and will help you dare to believe that you, too, can create something beautiful from the wreckage of broken dreams.

Because when any one of us chooses to open our heart and take full accountability for what we’re creating there, that is the moment we change the world.

With love, gratitude, and solidarity,
Becky

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Some Thoughts in the Aftermath of the Utah Valley Violence

UVU shooting

I’m writing today because after yesterday’s violence at UVU, you are on my mind, and I want to check in.

Are you doing okay? 

It’s been surreal to watch our little Utah Valley under the spotlight of the whole world. I taught at UVU for over a decade and have found myself replaying where I would have been on campus, how terrified my students would have been, how scary it would be to have to return there when classes resume next week.

One of my best friends works right on campus near the shooting and was stuck there for hours, trying to make sense of the situation as it unfolded and keep students safe. So many people I know had children or loved ones who were traumatized by being there, and just knowing how easily more people could have been harmed is a trauma in itself.

Yesterday was a day of Big-T Trauma for so many people here in Utah. And if that’s you, I want to make sure you’ve got some tools in your toolkit.

First, give yourself permission to not be okay.
It’s okay to feel whatever you feel. You don’t have to clean it up or be “fine.” What happened is a big deal and it makes perfect sense that you would be affected by it– however that’s showing up for you.

Second, make space for self-care.
Self-care is one of the most important things you can do after experiencing a trauma, and I don’t mean a spa treatment or manicure. I mean actually tending to the present needs of your mind, body, and spirit with nurturing compassion.

Trauma is stored in the body. Have you ever seen what happens when a rabbit gets chased by a dog? Once it’s made its way to safety, it will pause and shake for a moment. This is an evolutionary response to discharge the trauma or stress response that occured in the body when the rabbit was in danger.

You’re just like that rabbit, so find a way to move and release with your breath and body. Go for a walk, stand up and shake out your hands with a big exhale. Maybe find a safe, alone place and yell, scream or cry. It’s important to let the emotion move THROUGH you, rather than getting stuck. And even though it can be scary to feel, you will find that it will pass through, and you can tolerate it.

Learn to Heal Through Trauma

For anyone who has shattered, grieved, and dared to gather their pieces. Read the Book Today!

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Third, reach out for support.
It’s often counterintuitive to reach out when we’re really struggling. This is true for me, too. But our own crazy thrives in the dark. Making contact with other people has research-backed benefits that go beyond what we can even understand in our logical minds. There is a spiritual dimension of being connected to safe people that grounds us in important ways that we just can’t do on our own. No matter how tempting it is to hide away, push yourself to make contact with another safe human today. Please.

There’s not one right way to deal with trauma, and as long as you’re making space for your emotions and self-care, you’re doing it right.

My prayer for us all today, is that we can allow this tragic moment to help us see more clearly the cost of our own judgment and fear. That it will motivate us to deepen our willingness to listen and allow, even when we disagree with each other. That it will break our “I know best” walls down and inspire us to acknowledge the limitations of our own humanity. In this holy grief, we can reach for that Something Higher that is all around us and within us, that Something that is big enough to hold that which is too terrible to bear alone.

May we each allow this moment to serve our collective awakening. For ourselves, for each other, for the world.

Take care of yourself today, my friend.

With so much love,
Becky

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Are You Aware of What You’re Creating in Your Life and Why?

Are you aware of what you’re creating in your life and why?

Alchemy is the understanding (experientially through the heart) of how consciousness relates to matter (& experience).

It’s a science that’s based in this core truth: “As within, so without” or “As above (in the unmanifested realm), so below (in the manifested realm).”

Alchemy is not about manipulating life to satisfy your ego (self-serving) desires.

Rather, it’s about growing your awareness of how your inner world (your desires and your mind) are constantly creating your outer world—whether you realize it or not.

So the question becomes: what is my heart’s deepest desire?

And can I see that this desire is what I am in actuality creating in my life right now?

And perhaps the penultimate question: At what cost? Is what I’m creating worth the cost I’m paying for it? 

What do I mean by this?

When I was in my late teens and twenties, I struggled with anorexia.

I lost my period and spent so much of my energy tracking calories and obsessing about when I would eat or exercise next.

I often felt a physical revulsion after I ate food and could sense the fat cells getting bigger on my body. This sensation felt almost unbearable.

Although I didn’t realize it at the time, my greatest desires were control and approval.

I had left home and moved across the country all by myself to go to college.

I felt a weight-ton of expectations (mostly my own) to perform and become something spectacular.

I was terrified of letting people down and had no idea what was going to happen next in my life.

Control and validation became my lived reality: a cage of suffering fueled by my own driven desire.

And I got what I wanted: I was in total control of my body and was winning a ton of validation… at the expense of everything that matters most.

My soul. My sense of joy and freedom. My relationships.

It took almost two decades of flirting with this kind of compulsive behavior before life handed me my most valuable gift—in the form of suffering great enough to wake me up to the fact that control and validation weren’t actually the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow that I thought they were…

…and I realized I could surrender those desires. I could choose to let go.

I could choose to want something different. Something more aligned with who I want to be.

I could choose to want love. I could choose to want freedom. I could choose to want to be of service to Something Greater than myself.

Waking up to my ability and my responsibility to make that choice ten years ago…

…and the ugly fact that my real desires had actually been something very different and very self-protective and self-serving…

…changed the trajectory of my entire life.

At this year’s Silent Retreat on January 18th, we are thrilled to share with you the ancient alchemy technique called “Circling the Square,” a spiritual methodology to unlock the subconscious blocks and beliefs that are keeping you from creating your deepest desires in the world…

…and the space and compassion to gently face the reality of any unconscious desires that are creating parts of your life you’d rather change.

If you’re local and ready to face what needs to change, I hope you’ll sign up for this year’s Silent Retreat in Provo, UT on January 18th.

With hope & trust in the Basic Goodness in all of us,

Becky

P.S. Becoming aware of the power of your desire in the life you’re creating is one of the greatest gifts anyone can be given! I hope you’ll take this chance to stand in your power with heart and intention…and without apology. The world needs the authentic you.

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Trauma Healing

5 Crucial Understandings to Help You Heal From Trauma

5 Crucial Understandings to Help You Heal From Trauma

5 Crucial Understandings to Help You Heal From Trauma

Learning about trauma has been a complete game-changer for me in my ability to heal–mentally, emotionally, spiritually—even physically.

Using the word trauma doesn’t give us any excuses.

In fact, it opens us up to a very specific and powerful toolkit to more skillfully and accountably address what’s actually happening.

(In fact–without the toolkit, we most likely won’t ever actually get to the root of the problem!)

These 5 primary understandings can bring clarity to some of the chaos you may have experienced in your life and relationships:

Understanding #1: Trauma is stored in the body when you feel deeply unsafe/overwhelmed

When you experience something that your body/mind/spirit perceives as deeply unsafe or threatening, there’s a good chance that it will be stored in your brain/body as trauma.

This means that something that is traumatic for one person might not be traumatic for another person.

Your core values, past experiences, and life expectations will all influence if and how experiences are stored in your body as trauma.

Understanding #2: Trauma is stored in a very specific way that’s tied to your survival brain

Trauma is an evolutionary response that’s intended to help us survive.

If we were cavemen who lived in the jungle and a tiger showed up, our trauma response would kick in and we’d hightail it out of camp or suddenly have the superhuman ability to scale a tree, without even thinking about it.

This response evolved intentionally to bypass the rational mind (the left side of the brain) so that in life or death situations, our body would immediately respond to get us to safety.

But in the modern world, many of the experiences that feel deeply threatening are not literally life and death. They’re more relational and psychological.

But our body doesn’t know the difference.

Our body doesn’t know that blasting our system with adrenaline actually works against us when we’re in the triggering conversation with our spouse or boss.

It doesn’t know that taking our language center offline blocks our ability to express ourselves in those crucial moments when we want desperately to have our own back but we literally can’t.

Many, many people live on high alert, in a state of low-grade trauma all the time, because they’re constantly engaging with people and situations that create this kind of a physiological response.

This constant internal imbalance seriously deteriorates our health and well-being in every way – mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically, with serious consequences, including auto-immune diseases and low self-worth.

Understanding Trauma & Healing

Understanding #3: Relational Trauma is a Particular Doozy

Relational trauma occurs when your primary attachment suddenly becomes the source of pain or threat.

If you’ve been (or currently are) in close relationship with a person or organization that has betrayed or manipulated you, you likely have some level of trauma associated with the person or relationship.

Depending on the depth of the betrayal and your level of dependency upon the person or institution, you may experience dysregulating physiological reactions like intrusive thoughts, heart-pounding, disrupted sleep patterns, body tremors, excessive sweating, digestion issues, or chronic muscle tightness.

Because the trauma is relational and now associated with your formerly safe people or places, you may feel isolated and abandoned.

You are moving through the pain and physiological chaos without a support system.

This typically causes people to feel crazy and question their lived reality, which is extremely painful and disorienting.

Understanding #4: Trauma is experiential, not logical

In trauma, the left side of the brain (where language centers reside and logical, analytical, and sequential thought occurs), goes off-line.

Trauma is then recorded by the right brain as an experience of visual images and location. Any sensory input that is associated with the event is also gathered and stored.

This means that smells, sounds, places, dates on the calendar, songs on the radio, time of year, time of day can all be wired in as triggers.

When we experience these random snippets at later times, our body connects them back and rekindles the trauma response as if the event were actually occurring.

We feel again the full embodied experience of being under threat, even though we are no longer in the threatening situation.

This feels crazy-making when we don’t have the tools or awareness to understand what’s happening.

Understanding #5: With the right toolkit, we can fully heal from trauma

Trauma represents a soul-split: a tear inside of us that creates intense levels of suffering.

Without awareness, this internal split plants seeds of fear that then sprout and grow to infest other areas of our lives.

We end up living from fear in self-protection, bitterness, and trapped in victim stories.

Because trauma occurs on such a deep physiological level, trauma healing requires a toolkit that integrates mind, body, and spirit.

Help You Heal From Trauma

In fact, it opens us up to a very specific and powerful toolkit to more skillfully and accountably address what’s actually happening.

Get Started

To effectively heal trauma, you need an approach that systematically:

  • Re-establishes a safe connection between your mind and body
  • Helps you identify when you’re lost in a trauma response
  • Arms you with tools to ground into the present moment
  • Connects you to safe places and people to share your story
  • Helps you identify the core beliefs that continue to bring you pain and shows you how to release them

These 5 understandings have been life-changing for me and I hope they help you gain more insight and clarity as well.

Our programs at Undone Academy incorporate all the necessary elements to support deep, long-term healing from traumas of all kinds. If you need help, I hope you’ll learn more here.

With Hope for Your Full Healing Journey,
Becky

 

Frequently Asked Questions –

1. What does it mean that trauma is stored in the body?

It means overwhelming experiences are encoded in the nervous system, not just remembered in the mind. This can show up as physical reactions like tension, racing heart, or shutdown responses when triggered.

2. Why do some people develop trauma from events others handle well?

Because trauma is based on perception of safety, not the event itself. Personal history, attachment patterns, and nervous system sensitivity all influence how experiences are stored.

3. What is relational trauma?

Relational trauma happens when someone you depend on for safety or belonging becomes a source of pain, betrayal, or threat, disrupting your sense of trust and stability.

4. Why do trauma triggers feel so intense?

Triggers activate the survival brain, which reacts as if the threat is happening right now—bypassing logic and creating strong emotional and physical responses.

5. Can trauma be fully healed?

Yes, with the right tools. Healing involves reconnecting mind and body, building safety, learning regulation skills, and processing core beliefs linked to the original wound.

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Do You Struggle With Resentment?

Ten years ago, my marriage blew up and I found myself in total chaos.

For months, even a few years, my mind was often spinning with intrusive thoughts, my emotions were so big I couldn’t pull out of them, and my body was freaking out doing weird things–like waking me up at 4 in the morning or locking my spine to where I couldn’t move for days on end.

Because I knew what I was experiencing was connected to the event that had taken place in my life, I didn’t want to medicate myself.

I knew intuitively that my mind and body were reacting for a reason, and I didn’t want to numb them. I wanted to understand them, and learn how to work with them more skillfully.

This led me to a healing pathway that changed my life forever.

It started with learning the language of betrayal trauma: an actual physiological condition that mirrors PTSD and occurs when our primary attachments go from being our most trusted safe places to the source of our deepest pain.

Suddenly, my chaotic experience began to make perfect sense.

Of course I felt crazy, my body had kicked me into my limbic system–my survival brain–where the most reactive, instinctual parts of me were now behind the wheel, desperately trying to protect me 24/7.

Of course my body felt weird–I was filling it with cortisol and adrenaline day-in and day-out as I navigated an unexpected and unwelcome new reality on high alert.

Understanding trauma gave me the tools and language to not only work with the chaos in my mind and body, it gave me the foundation to start to trust myself again.

I spent about seven years in betrayal trauma recovery, eventually becoming a sponsor, presenter, administrator, and author of recovery materials.

The more I learned, healed, and observed others on similar journeys, the more obvious it became that some kind of relational trauma was almost universal—and that it’s where most people remain stuck.

I realized that without an understanding of the role trauma was playing in my experience and my reactions, I would never have been able to fully heal.

It would be like playing the game without a full deck of cards.

That’s why after seven years, I left the 12-step world of addiction and trauma recovery, and created a mindfulness-based, trauma-informed program to bring the same tools and healing principles to the world.

Because the fact is, there’s more than one kind of betrayal, and whatever kind you experience, it creates its own kind of trauma in the body that will hold you hostage for days, weeks, decades, if you don’t know how to work with it.

Your body might be holding on to a sense of betrayal from the way you were raised, from a religion, from a career gone wrong, from life itself, from God, and yes….from an intimate partner.

If you struggle with unresolved feelings of bitterness, resentment, victimhood, paranoia, numbness, or apathy that you can trace back to an event or relationship that has a tinge of betrayal to it, you’re likely dealing with a trauma you never even realized.

And you’ll be stuck until you start working with a trauma-informed toolkit.

This is why I’m offering a FREE teaching on the 5 Types of Betrayal: a 2-part Webinar Series that will help you understand common ways people experience betrayal, how you can tell if you’re still carrying trauma, and what it takes to heal from it.

I never want anyone to experience the loneliness and isolation that I went through before I found the trauma-informed tools that could actually help me.

I never want anyone to miss the beautiful journey of growth and healing that is so possible with the right framework and support.

If you or someone you know has struggled with feelings of bitterness, victimhood, or apathy and they’d like to know more, please register here to be part of this LIVE training for absolutely free.

With love and fellowship on the journey,
Becky

P.S. This training goes LIVE on Tuesday, Nov 19th & Thursday, Nov 21st at 7pm MDT/9pm ET, and if you’re not available you can watch the replay. I hope you’ll join us here!

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Do You Know How to Follow Your Heart?

One of my all-time favorite moments happened on a Sunday afternoon, on the soft lawn of a local park, gazing up at the golden sky as thousands of geese passed through for hours on end.

I remember just lying there in awe as flock after flock cut their way across, aligned with the southern trajectory of the snow-capped mountain peaks to the east.

How do they know where they’re going? I wondered.

At the time, I longed for so much trust to blindly follow an uncharted path, guided by nothing more than the depth and surety of my own inner knowing.

This is the kind of heart-led path I’ve been trying to follow for well over 10 years now, and it’s taken me places I never dreamed I’d go.

I’ve since authored 2 published works and my 3rd (and most vulnerable!) book is on its way to being released.

I’ve started two businesses that regularly require me to step out of my comfort zone, learn how to do things I never thought I could do, navigate conflict, and face my own limitations.

I’ve deepened and found alignment in relationships I feared were irreparable. I’ve released other relationships that no longer served.

All of these things have felt very brave, very heart-guided, and very unknown.

The old me could never have done them.

The old me was stuck in self-doubt and fear.

Stuck in conformity and playing a part and a desperate need to meet and exceed expectations.

You see, I’d experienced some major events in my life that had caused me to deeply doubt myself. To question my worth. To distrust my body and my own ability to see clearly.

I’d experienced a major betrayal — and with all the other challenges that come with having the rug pulled out from under you, the deepest one is that it often takes away your ability to trust yourself.

It took the right tools and framework, and a willingness to let myself be seen in all my messy humanity to reclaim what I saw so clearly displayed that day across the crisp autumn sky.

It took a deep, abiding trust in my Self.

Not in my personality or abilities. Not in my specialness or worthiness or some passionate story about what I deserved or anything like that.

It took a big-T Trust in the Highest and Deepest within me — the Something Higher that I could feel wanted to be expressed through me. The essence of Love that is all that I am and yet has nothing to do with me at all.

This Something is not unique to me. It’s in you, too…and every other being on the planet.

I look at my life today and feel a kinship with those beautiful birds who beckoned to me years ago, calling me to a more adventurous and fulfilling life.

Calling me to let go of my agenda and perceived notions of safety and success, to reclaim my heart, and simply follow, one mindful, surrendered step at a time.

It’s a calling for all truth-seekers, wounded warriors, maximizers, and dreamers who want to live deeper and richer.

I’m here to discover my own heart-guided journey, not to be a cog in a wheel on somebody else’s machine.

People who’ve experienced betrayals and rock-bottoms and who need the tools to find that Self-trust again—or maybe discover it for the first time ever.

Your absolute trust in your Deepest Self is the one thing that will carry you further than you ever thought you could go. There are reliable tools to find this trust within yourself and you’re worth the journey.

In love and fellowship,
Becky

P.S. I’ve been working on a special FREE training to offer some clear, digestible tools for those of you who want to better understanding you’re stuck in self-doubt and how to get more free. We’ll be going LIVE on Tuesday and Thursday, Nov 19 & 21. You can learn more and register here.

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IFS Theory – How to Uncover Your Protectors and Find Your Highest Self

Tomorrow is Halloween, the day we love to be scared.

According to Google Trends, you’ll likely see Shrunken Head Bob from “Beetlejuice,” Envy from “Inside Out 2”, and Red from “The Descendants” if you’re pounding the pavement with the trick-or-treaters tomorrow.

There seems to be something in the human psyche that loves to dress up and play a part.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a psychological theory that claims that all human beings are made up of parts: different sub-personalities that have different goals and different ways of seeing the world.

Before you poo-poo this notion, consider yourself.

Don’t you have different versions of yourself that show up in different places?

Is the part that shows up at the office the same as the part that shows up at home with the kids?

What about the part that shows up with your family-of-origin?

With your closest friends?

The more you observe yourself, the more you’ll notice the many parts that help you skillfully navigate your world.

Each has its own goals, its own behaviors, its own beliefs.

And each one developed from a deep subconscious need to protect you – to help you survive.

The parts that show up in the most protective ways are called Protectors–and these are the ones I want you to get curious about today.

Because your Protectors, although well-meaning, are likely causing a lot of chaos in your life.

Protectors can show up explosive, defensive, combative, and ready to take on the world.

They can also show up very very nice and accommodating, trying to help you fly under the radar and stay safe.

But no matter how your Protectors show up or the temporary safety they provide,

they’re also keeping you from stepping into and operating from your Highest Self–the truest and deepest part of you that is wise, capable, aligned, and guided by love.

Learning to notice and take full accountability for the way your Protectors show up is a powerful tool to help you break your patterns of self-sabotage or dysfunction in your relationships.

For a FREE PDF download, How to Uncover Your Protectors and Find Your Highest Self, follow this link:
https://beckymoller.com/free-download-uncovering-protectors-with-ifs/

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Do You Want More Passion & Purpose in Life?

A few weeks ago, I spent a weekend in New York City with my daughter. She’s 17, and auditioning for some of the most prestigious college dance programs out there.

We spent days with students and faculty who are out becoming change-makers, the ones in the arena, facing their fear to wear their heart on their sleeve on a daily basis and allow their very best to not be good enough—again and again.

We walked down busy streets bustling with people from every walk of life, every ethnicity imaginable. We heard dozens of languages as we sidestepped smoky sewer covers and avoided being honked at by taxi drivers.

We waited in line at a bagel shop where a Puerto-Rican twenty-something in a backwards baseball cap and apron loudly directed all the wide-eyed tourists on where to stand and how and what to order from an impressive array of colorful bagels and flavored cream cheeses stacked so high it looked like gelato.

And I never felt more sure I’d witnessed someone who was fully living their purpose.

You see, there’s something about the Big Apple, something about this district of New York. There’s a tangible energy radiating off of it.

It’s a place for dreamers.

For people so hell-bent on following their hearts that they’re actively refusing to get sidetracked by the ever-present fear that they’ll fall flat on their face.

Whether they’re first-generation immigrants risking it all for a startup bagel shop or young people like my daughter hoping to make an impact in the world through artistry and storytelling…

It’s a place for doers.

For people willing to show up and figure it out, to take risks, get creative and work their butt off as long as it feels right. As long as it feeds their soul.

It’s a place for maximizers.

For people who want more out of life than comfort. More than status quo, more than safety and security. For people who want to make life a game of potential and play it with passion.

Who dare to imagine the uncharted edges of their ability instead of how to guarantee that they will never fail, never be humiliated, never be exposed as incapable or not talented enough.

This New York energy is one that I’ve come to know in myself over the past ten years, as I’ve devoted myself wholeheartedly to my own wild frontier of spiritual healing.

This energy began to stir inside me a decade ago when I finally released the identities I’d clung to for as long as I could remember: old definitions of what it means to be a “good woman,” “good wife,” “good mother,” “good person.”

It’s one that took root through a lot of ups and downs, painful realizations, and my share of trainwrecks…until I finally understood how to find and feel my own heart, my own inner guide, my own compass.

And now, where I used to feel fear and obligation, I feel a deep trust in myself and an unwavering sense of choice in every single situation I face.

Where I used to feel anxiety and overwhelm, now I feel passion, surrender, and purpose.

Where I used to feel that I was not enough, now I feel unalterably connected to a Self-Love that has the capacity to hold all of who I am—darkness and light, strength and weakness, in endless compassion.

Soul work is not for everyone. Heaven knows it’s not easy.

But for those of us who breathe in glittery New York air and something inside us comes alive…

…It’s inevitable.

If you find yourself living below your purpose, feeling dead inside, stuck in unproductive patterns and dissatisfying relationships…

…know that a brighter future can be yours. With the right tools and framework, you can create a future as limitless and bright as the New York city skyline.

The world needs your passion, your heart, your wisdom and perspective, your most authentic Self. Don’t settle for somebody else’s definition of who you’re supposed to be.

You were born to be an unafraid, unapologetic, fully accountable, and joyfully aligned YOU. You were born to manifest the Highest within you. And with the right tools and framework, you can.

With Love on the Journey,
Becky

P.S. In January, we’re launching our new cohort for 2025: Awakening Unplugged: A Year of Self-discovery to Open Your Heart and Transform Your Pain to Purpose. Watch for more information in the coming months!

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For My Heart-led Free Spirits & Misfits

Do you ever feel like you’re not sure where you belong?

This fall, I’ve been noticing the random bright yellow branches that stick out like a sore thumb on bright green trees that seem to be otherwise happily hanging on to the full swing of summer.

What is it about these singular branches that forced a change–a shift to a new season–on a different schedule than all of their companions?

And does that solitary branch ever feel resentful, ashamed, or isolated as it sits so obviously separate from the safety of the group?

I’ve lived many moments that make me feel a sisterhood with these branches.

Moments where my life was unraveling so rapidly that I couldn’t make small talk at soccer games or volunteer for class parties like the other moms.

Moments at gatherings with family or friends where political, religious, or critical rants were the only acceptable conversation, so I retreated to silence rather than stir the pot or join the mob.

Moments in church pews, where my entire congregation all seemed to be nodding their heads in agreement and I was fighting the urge to hurl my shoe at the speaker.

When loss, betrayal, or life itself has forced you into a transition so deep that you no longer see the world the way you did before…

…when your strong opinions shrivel up and you crave the sweet stillness of unapologetically not-knowing…

…you sometimes feel like a misfit.

When this happens, sometimes the people you love don’t even know what to do with you.

You become a puzzle piece changing shape. Nothing fits the same anymore.

And while this seasoning surrender might be the most sacred and beautiful thing that can happen to any living being on this planet…

It can also feel supremely lonely.

If your soul-leaves are brightening to a more brillant hue or deepening into a richer shade and you suddenly feel out of sync with the branches you’ve always belonged to…

…I hope you take time to saunter through crisp air and hear the crunch of rusty leaves on the ground underneath you this week.

Surrender to the Autumn energy of releasing what no longer serves.

And as you do, breathe in an entire Universe that is hell-bent on growth, evolution, expansion, change.

Look around. The leaves are letting go, and they don’t all change color at the same time.

Each one has its own timetable.

There is room for a million perspectives.

To quote my dear friend, Mel: There are million pathways to the Divine.

So here’s to you, my misfits and free spirits. My wanderers who feel too much to not let their heart lead the way.

You are not alone.

You are not a freak.

You are not lost.

You’re just a little ahead in the game of letting go.

Don’t doubt yourself.

With your feet on the ground, your eyes wide open, and your heart guiding you, you’re perfectly on your imperfect way.

Thank you for playing a part in waking up the world, simply by having the courage to be precisely, unapologetically who you are.

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The Answer Is Not in the Expert

Five years ago, my husband surprised me with tickets to “An Evening with Eckhart Tolle, live at the Chicago Theatre.” Our seats were less than ten rows back and I couldn’t wait to be only feet away from the person who’d changed my life so dramatically.

I had been on my own journey of awakening for five years at the time, and two years earlier, I’d somehow stumbled into Eckhart: an adorable little German man in a sweater vest on YouTube. In almost every talk, he spoke unrehearsed about one singular thing: the essentials of spiritual awakening, finding the present moment, transcending the ego, surrender.

His words gave language to the internal shifts I’d been experiencing for the past year, and I fell in love with the clarity, presence, and Namaste I felt in this unpretentious little man.

I devoured his book The Power of Now and more often than not was streaming his talks from YouTube. Most days when my kids piled into the car for after school rides, they would buckle in and say, “Mom, is this Eckhart again?”

So when I stepped into the Chicago Theatre on a windy March Saturday night, my stomach was butterflies. By this time, I’d read all of Eckhart’s works and watched him on Oprah. I had listened to so many hours of his talks I could often predict his answers to the questions people posed to him in his customary Q&A’s. To me, he was the most influential person on the planet.

I settled into my seat and felt the grandeur of the golden scaffoldings around the stage, the pomp of the velvet red curtain.

I closed my eyes and reached for my husband’s hand. I felt the heat of our fingers intertwined as I breathed all the way down to the soles of my feet. I wanted my heart to calm, my ears to open. I wanted to be fully present for this moment. I didn’t want to miss a thing.

The people sitting behind us were buzzing in conversation and I was surprised to hear two women gossiping and complaining about some trivial matter. How could they be tied up in such trivial matters at such an important moment? Did they have any clue about who this man was or the heart of his teachings?

When the curtain rose and Eckhart shuffled across the stage in his sweater vest and settled into the plain chair set for him in the middle of an empty stage, my stomach leapt and my eyes sprung with tears.

Eckhart’s eyes squinted as his face surveyed the crowd with his customary grin. He grinned and breathed for several minutes, collecting himself in total presence before he finally started to talk.

Eckhart talked that night for three hours, with no script and no agenda, as he always does. I don’t think I remember a single thing that he said, actually, but I do remember the frequency I felt from him: the presence, the Namaste, the steadying calm. Whenever I forget who I am, I can listen to Eckhart Tolle speak, and I am somehow reconnected with my own portal to the Divine.

But what I remember most about that night is when the curtain dropped. The people behind me stood up and remarked how wonderful the talk was before starting back in on their gossipy rants.

How peculiar, I thought as I sat in my chair, breathed down to my feet again, and let it all settle as the crowd emptied from the red seats around me and Nate.

What was I feeling? A confusion stirring within me, a cloud dissipating, Something New, a knowing that had been growing for a long time settling into Something More Solid than it had ever been before.

The distinct understanding that nothing was offered tonight, nothing was available here in this theater that I flew across the country for and paid hotels and tickets for that I didn’t already have.

That with all the love I felt and feel for this remarkable little man and all the ways I honor the role he has played in the evolution of the human race, that he himself is not what is so valuable that millions of people would buy his book and thousands would buy expensive tickets to see him live at auditoriums or retreats.

What is so so valuable is What is coming through him.

And I realized that that Thing, that Presence, that Divine Stillness and Clarity, was also taking root in me… as I practiced finding and feeling It in the mundane existence of my daily life.

I realized deep down in my bones that awakening doesn’t come from flying to Chicago and seeing Eckhart Tolle in person, or practicing yoga and meditation with his wife Kim, as we’d done earlier that day.

My most valuable assets in the incredible awakening happening inside of me were the structures and frameworks I had at home that were keeping me aware, accountable, and in contact with the Presence that Eckhart talks about:

My weekly meetings where I touch in and stay focused on the state of my own heart and mind. My 12-step sponsor whom I often reached out to for real-time feedback as I navigated all the ups and downs of having my entire worldview dissolve around me. The embodied mindfulness tools that helped me cut through the chaos and clutter, one moment at a time, and breathe my way out of my old unconscious reactions to find Something Higher at my center, able to guide me in ways I had never experienced before.

These simple, unimpressive structures of my daily life were worth more than any guru. And the Light I felt and feel in His Teachings are simply a reflection of the Light that also lives in me. In you. In each and every one of us on the planet.

It’s a far cry from reading somebody’s book or listening to their podcast and living the principles that resonate enough to keep you listening. To walk the walk, you need a lifestyle and network that supports the changes you want to make.

From that moment on, I became deeply passionate about offering others the framework of healing I’d been so generously given:

  • embodied awareness/personal meditation practice
  • mindfulness-based, trauma-informed understanding of the mechanics of spiritual healing
  • Regular touchpoints and accountability – weekly meetings
  • Mentors who are at least two steps ahead of me on the path

I dedicated the next 3 years of my life as Executive Director in a 12-step non-profit, where I did my best to incorporate all these tools into our 12-step non-profit. I wrote recovery manuals, weekly blog posts, spoke at Conferences, and led Women’s Retreats.

I witnessed hundreds of individuals and couples heal from heart-wrenching traumas and betrayals, turning life-shattering tragedies into vehicles toward a more awakened and compassionate heart, and stronger families.

Four years ago, I left the 12-step world to bring this framework to a more Universal audience with my partner Nesha through Lifehouse Body and Soul, because I know in my bones that this framework has the ability to lead any willing heart to the same knowing, the same Light that emanates so richly from Eckhart Tolle and others like him.

There is nothing in them that is not also in you. The clarity, peace, and presence they have is simply a product of the practice they’ve put in and the unwavering desire they have for it.

There is nothing stopping you from committing yourself to the same practice. From jumping into the same deconstruction of your small, armored, striving self.

There is nothing out there that is not already right here, within you.

When you’re ready to let go and let yourself be undone, we’ll be here, with the simple structure that can carry you gently, one step, one moment at a time, as you learn how to peel back the fear and conditioning, and uncover the Divine Love that’s just waiting to flow unfettered from your miraculous human heart.